Jealousy
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: xLadyxLionheartx suggested that I write a story where the Joker is made to feel threatened about Harley and another man, just to see how the Clown Prince of Crime copes with jealousy. Although I think we all know the answer is not very well. ;-)
1. Chapter 1

**Jealousy**

"Harley," came a whisper from the cell door. Harley Quinn sat up to see Dr. Johnny Bryan, her psychiatrist, friend, and former colleague standing by the door. He beckoned her over, holding a finger to his lips.

"I didn't want to wake Miss Ivy," he whispered, nodding to the cell next door. "I was wondering if I could ask your opinion on a psychiatric issue I've been having with a patient. You know I've always thought you were the best psychiatrist I've ever worked with."

"Aw, gee, Johnny, that's real flattering," murmured Harley, smiling. "But I think I'm gonna get a sore throat if we have to whisper about it."

He smiled and pulled out a ring of keys. "Don't tell anyone," he murmured. "It'll just be for five minutes. If anyone asks, we're in session."

Harley nodded as he unlocked the door, and she followed him back to his office. He was a nice guy, Johnny, a genuinely nice guy, who genuinely respected her intellect, which was rare. Most people thought she was crazy and stupid. But she wasn't stupid. Just crazy.

They entered his office and shut the door. "Now I know your specialty is these supercriminals, and if I thought I could cure the Joker, I'd ask you for advice on how to help him," said Dr. Bryan, smiling. "But I've come to conclusion that I can't, and you probably wouldn't want that anyway."

"Nah uh," agreed Harley, beaming. "I love my puddin' just the way he is."

"Well, fortunately I've been assigned some normal cases as well," replied Dr. Bryan, going over to his desk. "At least, normal by comparison. This one here, Hyde, have a look over the case file and tell me what you think."

Harley took the file from him. "I don't think I need to remind you this is all strictly confidential…"

"Johnny, if I didn't squeal on you letting me outta my cell, I'm hardly gonna start blabbing about the other inmates," retorted Harley.

"Point taken," he said, smiling.

"What's the issue?" she asked, looking up after she had finished reading. "Seems to me a fairly regular case of childhood abandonment leading to lack of trust. Pretty textbook standard."

"Yeah, but look here," said Dr. Bryan, pointing. "He has got trust issues, but at the same time massive dependency ones. He doesn't want to trust people, yet he depends on others for literally everything. So he wants people, yet refuses to want people. I can't figure it out."

Harley thought. "Could be some kinda split personality?" she suggested. "Half of him wants love and affection, and the other half hates it because it's suspicious of it? Maybe start treating him for some kinda schizophrenia so he can reconcile the two halves of his mind?"

"Split personality," murmured Dr. Bryan. "Why didn't I see it before?" He sighed in relief. "Thank you, Harley, you've saved my sanity! I was about to go crazy – I knew there was something obvious I was just missing!"

"Guess it took a crazy person to see it," replied Harley, grinning.

Dr. Bryan laughed. "In the spirit of not telling people things, how about a drink as a reward?" he asked, reaching into his desk drawer and pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Obviously this kinda stuff shouldn't be allowed in a hospital for the mentally ill…"

"But then what's the point of life if you're not gonna have a little fun once a while?" finished Harley, grinning.

He poured her a glass and raised his. "To you, Dr. Quinzel," he said, smiling. "The best psychiatrist I've ever worked with."

"You're a sweet guy, Johnny," she murmured.

They drank. "It's a real shame, you know," said Dr. Bryan. "You being locked up in here. You have such a talent for psychiatry, Harley – you could do a lotta people a lotta good if you ever rehabilitated yourself."

"Yeah…I guess," said Harley, shrugging. "But y'know, you can't live your life doing what other people want you to do, Johnny. And I couldn't be happy again, really happy again, as a normal person, without Mr. J…y'know."

"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "And of course I'm glad to see you happy, Harley, whatever the circumstances. It's just a shame you can't be both."

Harley shrugged again. "You can't have everything in this life, Johnny. You gotta be happy with what you got. And I am happy with Mr. J."

"That's good," agreed Dr. Bryan. "He seems to…love you. In his own way, I suppose."

"Yeah, he's a special guy," agreed Harley. "I'm a real lucky gal to have him, Johnny. I mean, you can't imagine what it feels like to know that the Joker, _the _Joker, the one and only, the Clown Prince of Crime, wants you as his girlfriend. You. Plain little old you, just the way you are. You never thought of yourself as that special before and suddenly he comes along and sees you as just the most perfect gal in the world, his one and only dame, his soulmate. I mean, God, I'd have to be crazy not to be happy about that."

"Well, when you put it like that, I'd have to agree with you," said Dr. Bryan, nodding.

They drank again. "Got anymore cases you need me to solve, Johnny?" asked Harley, grinning. "I'm clearly on fire tonight."

Dr. Bryan laughed. "Well, if you insist, I'll see what I can find," he said, heading over to the file cabinet. "A lot of these are before my time," he said, leafing through the dividers. "Hey, here's an interesting one – Bruce Wayne. I didn't know he came for a consultation here."

"Neither did I," said Harley, coming over to look at the file curiously.

"Abandonment issues, feelings of helplessness and powerlessness after parents' murder, understandable," murmured Dr. Bryan, scanning the file.

"Gee, there's a lot more to the playboy billionaire than meets the eye," said Harley, surprised.

"Unresolved anger issues towards crime and the criminal element," continued Dr. Bryan. "Again, pretty understandable. Wonder how he ended up dealing with those."

"I dunno," said Harley. Then she laughed. "Hey, maybe he decided to become a caped vigilante! Maybe he's Batman!"

Dr. Bryan laughed too, and accidentally let some of the papers from the file slip to the floor.

"I'll get them," said Harley, bending down at the same moment Dr. Bryan did. They reached the papers at the same time and looked up, smiling at each other. And then, out of nowhere, Dr. Bryan kissed her.

It was a sweet kiss, a tender kiss, a kiss that didn't expect or want anything more than itself, and before Harley fully realized what she was doing, she found herself returning it. It wasn't a choice she had made – it was instinctive. She hadn't fully realized what was really going on, until Dr. Bryan suddenly drew away, stammering, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Harley! I didn't mean for that to happen…I…oh God, I'm so sorry!"

Harley stared back at him in astonishment, still not fully processing what had just happened. She had kissed another guy. A guy who wasn't Mr. J. It felt like she had cheated on him, and she suddenly felt a tide of guilt and horror and self-loathing wash through her. She had never wanted another guy but Mr. J. She had never even thought about another guy but Mr. J, and now she had kissed one. It was terrible. She should be ashamed of herself. And she was, terribly ashamed of herself.

But he clearly hadn't wanted it to happen either. The panic and regret in his eyes was obvious. But they couldn't pretend it hadn't happened now that it had. Although she wished to God that it hadn't.

"Harley, please forgive me," he stammered. "I shouldn't have…I didn't mean…"

"It's ok, Johnny, it's not your fault," she murmured. "It's not either of our faults, it just…happened. So stop apologizing – you don't have anything to feel guilty about."

Unlike her. Dr. Bryan was single – he could kiss whoever he liked. She was not. She should never have returned that kiss. She felt guilt and pain and regret eating away at her heart, and she knew they wouldn't give her any peace. But it had happened. She had to accept that and move on. She could get through this. Nobody had to know.

"Nobody has to know," she murmured.

"No," agreed Dr. Bryan. "No. Oh God…and after that beautiful speech about how much you love him…Jesus, Harley, I'm so sorry."

Yes, after her beautiful speech. All her talk, which counted for nothing. Nothing, when another guy was kissing her. How could she be so weak? She was disgusted with herself.

"Look, Johnny, I'd better go," she murmured. "Need to be alone…"

"Of course, I understand," he said, leading her to the door. "Harley, if there's any way I can make it up to you…I'm just so sorry."

"It's fine, Johnny," replied Harley. "It's fine. Forget about it. I already have," she said, forcing a grin.

But that was a lie. That was a huge lie – she had never been more preoccupied with anything in her life. Why had she returned that kiss? Why? Was she in some way dissatisfied with her relationship? Did she somewhere, deep down, want another guy? That was the most terrifying thought imaginable – that after all her protestations of deep and eternal love, she had been lying to herself, and to the world. That in her heart, she was weak and shallow and would settle for any guy who showed her a little affection. That couldn't be true. It just couldn't. If she knew anything, she knew herself, and she knew she loved Mr. J. And she didn't want anyone else but Mr. J. Not ever.

"Harley?" startled her from her thoughts. She had arrived at her cell to see Mr. J sitting on her bed. He smiled at her. "Where ya been, kid? I've been waiting for you."

"I ain't been nowhere – nothing happened, I dunno what you're talking about!" snapped Harley, immediately defensive and panicked.

He stared at her. "Well, you must have been somewhere, baby, because you weren't in your cell. What do you mean nothing happened?"

"I mean nothing happened!" she repeated. "If I say nothing happened, then nothing happened, ok?! Why don't you trust me, huh, Mr. J?!"

"Pooh bear…"

"Look, I ain't in the mood tonight and I'm really tired, so would you mind leaving so I can go to bed?" interrupted Harley.

He gaped at her, completely dumbfounded. "What do you mean you ain't in the mood?" he murmured. "You're always in the mood."

"Well, I ain't tonight!" she repeated. "Jesus, Mr. J, just believe what I say, would ya?! I don't keep questioning you, do I?! Wanna know why?! Cause I trust you, and I think you can do me the same courtesy and trust me in return!"

"Pumpkin pie, what's wrong?" he asked, gently. "There's something bothering you, isn't there? Why don't you tell Daddy all about it?"

"You deaf?" she snapped. "I said beat it! Tired, get it?! Just get lost, would ya?"

He continued to stare at her. Ordinarily he would have beat her to a pulp for talking to him like that, but the whole situation was so unprecedented, so unlike Harley, that it completely threw him. He found himself standing up and heading for the door. She suddenly seized him in her arms and kissed him passionately. "I love you, puddin'!" she sobbed, bursting into tears. "I love you so much!"

"Harley, baby, what is it?" he whispered, stroking her hair. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I can't tell you, puddin'," she breathed. "I can't…I…just…just stay with me tonight," she murmured, gazing up at him. "Just hold me. I need you to hold me tonight."

"Of course, baby, whatever you want," he whispered, taking her in his arms and carrying her over to the bed. He curled up next to her, holding her gently, and she sighed in relief, shutting her eyes. Here, in his arms, she could block out reality, at least until tomorrow.

"Goodnight, Mr. J," she breathed, cuddling against him. "I love you so much."

"Night, Harley girl," he murmured, gazing down at her and stroking her hair. He wasn't an idiot. Harley saying nothing had happened out of nowhere meant something had happened. But he didn't feel anything at the moment because he didn't have all the facts. The idea that Harley could cheat on him was inconceivable, so that couldn't have been what she meant about something happening. It was probably something stupid, something you shouldn't even get worked up about, but that was so like Harley – making mountains out of mole hills. The silly little baby. The brat had probably broken a nail or something. Sure, that was probably it, something stupid like that. Nothing to get worked up over, and nothing to worry about. The kid was completely devoted to him, crazy for him, literally. She would never give that up.

Still, something had happened. He didn't know what exactly, but he was going to find out what, and where, and why, and how, and who. And he was going to make them pay.


	2. Chapter 2

Harley awoke in the Joker's arms, and for one blissful moment remembered nothing of the previous night. She just sighed, smiling in happiness, and snuggled deeper into him. Then it all came flooding back and she awoke with a start, sitting up suddenly and shoving herself away from him, and in doing so fell off the bed.

Joker laughed, sitting up and smiling at her. "Easy, slugger, you'll hurt yourself," he murmured, grinning as he pulled her back up on the bed. "And we wouldn't want that. Nobody should hurt you but Daddy, isn't that right, baby?"

He leaned forward to kiss her, but to his surprise, she shoved him away. "No…look…sorry, Mr. J, I just ain't in the mood," she stammered, panic and shame clouding her mind once more. "And anyway, you better beat it before the guards come and catch you in here."

He chuckled, assuming this was some game. "I ain't afraid of a few guards, cupcake," he murmured, pulling her close. "Especially when it's been so long since I tried some of my pumpkin's pie. I'll probably be in the mood for seconds."

"No, really, Mr. J, I can't," said Harley, shoving him away again. Ordinarily she would have been beyond enthusiastic, but it didn't feel right today, knowing what she had done. She felt like she didn't deserve him, after having betrayed him like that. It would take her some time to get over it, if indeed she could.

He stared at her in disbelief. "Harley…baby…I don't understand. You ain't never refused me before. What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter, puddin', I just ain't in the mood, like I said," she replied. "You ain't in the mood a lot, so I don't see why I can't be for once."

He couldn't have looked more astonished if Batman had suddenly appeared in the cell and kissed him. "So…let me get this straight," he said, slowly. "You don't…want me?"

"Not right now," she replied. "I just need a little time and space to…to sort myself out."

"Whaddya mean sort yourself out?" he demanded, suddenly angry. "I didn't drive you crazy just so you could sort yourself out! Here are the plain facts of your life, toots – you're a certifiably insane homicidal maniac who's madly in love with me and will bend over backward to make me happy! And Daddy says bend over backward right now!"

"Not really the words I wanna wake up to, J," growled Poison Ivy from the neighboring cell, coming over to the window and rubbing her eyes sleepily. "What are you even doing here this late? The guards are gonna catch you for sure."

"Harley won't give up the goods," growled Joker, glaring at her.

Ivy stared at him. "_Harley_ won't give up the goods?" she repeated, astonished. "Well…I suppose miracles do happen. You feeling sick, Harl? I know I would be if I had to even think about sex with the clown."

"No…no, it's not that, I just…I need some time on my own," murmured Harley, tears coming to her eyes. "Please, Mr. J."

He glared at her. "This ain't funny, Harley," he growled. "You losing interest or something?"

"Stop asking me questions!" she sobbed. "Just leave me alone, would ya? I just need to be…alone!"

He grabbed her by the hair. "You tell me what's wrong right now or I'm gonna beat it out of you!" he hissed.

"Jesus, Mr. J, why do you have to be such a goddamn bastard all the time?!" she cried. "Why can't you just respect me enough to do as I ask for once and leave me alone?!"

"Do as _you _ask?!" he shouted. "Who the hell do you think you are, Harley, you worthless little piece of trash?! I don't respect you because I've never respected you! And you do what I tell you to do! That's the way we work! That's the way we've always worked!"

"Yeah, and maybe that's the problem!" shrieked Harley.

"What problem?" he demanded. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Harley punched him across the face. "I said I don't wanna talk about it!" she shrieked. "Now just beat it, would ya?!"

The screaming and fighting had alerted the guards, who burst into the cell at that moment before Joker could retaliate with a blow of his own and seized him. "This ain't over, toots, you hear me?!" he shouted at her as they dragged him away. "I'm gonna pound your skull in for this, you dumb bitch! Hear that, Harley?! You're _my _dumb bitch!"

"Charming," muttered Ivy. "You ok, Harley?"

"Yeah," she murmured, trying to wipe the tears away. "I'm gonna feel bad for hitting him later, but he just can't leave things alone sometimes."

"What _is _wrong, Harley?" asked Ivy, gently. "Can you tell me?"

"Yeah," she repeated, quietly. "But you gotta promise not to tell anyone. Especially not Mr. J."

"He's the last person on earth I'd tell anything to, unless it was the location of a trap I'd set up for him," replied Ivy.

"Last night Johnny Bryan took me to his office to consult me about some psychiatry stuff," murmured Harley, quietly. "And while we were there…something happened."

Ivy gaped at her in astonishment. And then her face broke into the biggest smile Harley had ever seen. "You cheated on the clown?!" she gasped. "Oh my God, Harley, that's the best news I've ever heard! If anyone deserves it, he does, and you and Johnny…oh, you make such a cute couple, Harley! And he's such a nice guy…it couldn't be more perfect!"

"I didn't cheat on him," snapped Harley. "Well…I guess I did. Kinda. Johnny kissed me and I…I kissed him back. That's cheating, right? I mean, it is cheating, kissing another guy when you're with someone else, ain't it? It feels like it is to me anyway. I feel wrong and dirty, and not in the good way I usually feel wrong and dirty around Mr. J. How can I live with myself knowing I've done something like that?"

"Well…there are worse offences, Harley," pointed out Ivy.

"Yeah, but why did I do it?" she whispered. "Did I do it because I've secretly always wanted him? Do I subconsciously want another man besides Mr. J, a nice guy like Johnny? Have I just been lying to myself this whole time? Is that what it means?"

"I think you're probably overanalyzing it, Harley," said Ivy. "It was just a kiss. He did it, and it's a natural response to return it. It doesn't mean your mind is hiding away some deep, dark secret. It's just physical chemistry."

"I shouldn't have physical chemistry with any guy but Mr. J," retorted Harley. "You don't understand, Red. You don't understand how big this is or what it means to me. Yeah, maybe to you it's just a little kiss, but it makes me question my whole identity. I mean…I liked it, Red. I shouldn't have liked it. Harley Quinn, completely devoted and madly in love with the Joker, wouldn't have liked it. She would have been offended, she would have shoved him away and said she was Mr. J's gal, and no one else's. I didn't do any of that. I kissed him back. It means I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. It means that somewhere deep down…my love for Mr. J is weak. Fragile. Capable of being…killed."

"Well, hallelujah," replied Ivy. "I always maintained there was some hope for you, Harley. Tell me what would actually be so bad about the hypothetical scenario of you not being Harley Quinn anymore, of regaining your sanity and your profession as Dr. Quinzel, and of dating a really nice, handsome guy like Johnny Bryan. It doesn't sound like anyone's idea of a nightmare."

"Except Harley Quinn's," she murmured. "For her…for me...it would be a nightmare, being without her puddin'. The idea that it isn't is terrifying, because it means I don't really know who I am anymore. I need to be madly in love with Mr. J to be Harley Quinn. Without that, I'm just…Harleen Quinzel. Not special to anyone."

"You'd be special to Johnny," murmured Ivy. "And you'd always be special to me. You can't define yourself based on your relationships, Harley."

"Yeah, but I have," she murmured. "And I did. And I don't know if there would be anything left of me if I gave that up."

"There would," replied Ivy, firmly. "There would be a strong, capable, independent and intelligent woman, who I for one would respect more than anyone else in the world."

Harley didn't respond. She sat on her bed and stared at the wall, crying silent tears. Then she lay down, shutting her eyes tightly and cuddling her pillow against her.

"Poor Mr. J," Ivy heard her whisper. And maybe, if Ivy didn't loathe him beyond all reason, she would have felt pity for him too.


	3. Chapter 3

"There sits a clown without a smile on his face. Riddle me that," said Edward Nygma, who had the cell next to the Joker's and watched him from the window as he sat on his bed, glaring at the floor.

"Here's a riddle for you, Eddie. What happens to guys who poke their noses in where they don't belong? They end up wrapped in plastic and dumped in the gutter," growled Joker.

Nygma smiled. "It's fine. You don't have to tell me. I already know what's bothering you. It's Harley, isn't it? She's suddenly become more distant since last night."

Joker looked up at him. "What makes you think that?" he asked.

"It's a reasonable deduction based on the facts at hand," replied Nygma. "But then I probably am in possession of more of the facts than you. The only obvious one is that you're angry, but couple that with the other information at my disposal, the information about Harley's movements last night, and the conclusion is fairly obvious."

"And what would you know about Harley's movements last night?" asked Joker.

Nygma smiled again, then went over to the opposite wall of his cell and pressed a stone. The wall slid back to reveal a system of monitors, flashing images from the security cameras set up around the asylum. "It's just a little hobby of mine, hacking into the security system," said Nygma. "It was a fairly easy system to crack, but then most things are for a man of my intellect."

"Yeah, great job, Eddie," said Joker, nodding. "With that kinda enthusiasm for watching cameras, you might make security guard someday."

Nygma's face fell. "It's not a great idea to mock me, Joker," he retorted. "I have the power to bring about your complete humiliation, and I will use it."

"Big words, Eddie," retorted Joker. "Let's see your proof."

Nygma shrugged. "Very well." He punched in some numbers on the keyboard attached to the monitors. "We'll rewind the cameras to about ten minutes past midnight and see what we shall see."

Joker watched as the cameras showed Dr. Johnny Bryan standing by Harley's cell, talking to her for a short while, and then unlocking the cell and leading her down the corridor towards his office.

"Unusual time for a doctor to be meeting with a patient, don't you agree?" asked Nygma, grinning. "Unless they weren't interested in therapy and more interested in…meeting."

"Don't make jokes about sex, Eddie, you've clearly never had any," growled Joker. He glared at the footage, his mind slowly processing the facts. Harley had left her cell late last night to meet with her attractive doctor. She had returned to her cell later, clearly panicked and claiming that nothing had happened. And this morning she refused to be intimate with him. As inconceivable as it was that Harley would ever cheat on him, and as much as he didn't want to believe it, all the evidence pointed to the fact that she had. And he wasn't crazy enough to ignore evidence when it stared him right in the face.

"At least I've not been cuckolded, Joker," retorted Nygma.

He was standing by the bars of their window, grinning triumphantly at Joker. That was his mistake.

When the guards burst into the room after hearing the screaming, they found Joker holding Nyma's collar, and slamming him repeatedly into the bars of the window. They managed to make Joker release him after much effort and rushed him to the infirmary, while dragging Joker off to solitary confinement.

About half an hour later, Dr. Leland visited him there. "You're more aggressive than usual, and that is saying something," she said, glaring at him. "Anything the matter?"

"Yeah, there is, Doc," he replied, grinning. "I've finally remembered something. Something about who I was before Bat-brain threw me into that vat of acid."

Dr. Leland stared at him. "You've had a breakthrough?" she murmured.

"Sure have," he said, smiling. "But see…the thing is…Doc," he beckoned her over. "There's a reason I've repressed it for so long," he whispered. "I'm a little…scared to talk about it. It hurts if I think too much about it, y'know, but I…I need to share it with someone. Someone like you, Doc, someone sympathetic, someone who knows me, who understands me the way you do."

"Well, I'd be happy to listen," said Dr. Leland.

He waved his hand. "Nah, it ain't for a woman's ears. Couldn't subject a lady to the kinda sick crap that went on in my past. No, I need a trustworthy doctor who ain't a gal."

Dr. Leland thought. "What about Dr. Bryan?"

Joker grinned. "Doc, you read my mind! Guess that's what makes you such a good head-shrinker, huh?" he chuckled. "Can you make an appointment with him for me? And as soon as possible – this may very well start me on the road to recovery."

Dr. Leland opened the file she was carrying. "As far as I know, he's free at one. Would that be soon enough for you?"

"Aw, Doc, you're the greatest!" beamed Joker. "Yeah, one will suit me just fine! Can't wait for the session!"

Dr. Leland nodded and turned to go. Joker kept grinning until she left, and then his smile suddenly dropped into the most intense look of hatred and loathing. "It's going to be a real killer," he muttered.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, this is very exciting news," said Dr. Bryan, smiling as the guards brought the Joker into his office. "Dr. Leland tells me you've managed to retrieve some of your memories of your life before your accident."

"Yeah, that's right, Doc," replied Joker, smiling. "But it's pretty heavy stuff. I hope it doesn't shock you too much – wouldn't wanna be responsible for breaking your mind or anything like that. Already done that once," he chuckled.

"I'm sure I'll be able to cope," he said. "You may leave us," he said, nodding at the guards.

"Whenever you're ready, Mr. Joker," he said, picking up his pencil.

"I remember this guy, friend of mine, maybe, I don't know. Anyway, he's got this doll, real pretty little thing, who just completely adores him, absolutely nuts about him. Would give him the stars and the moon if he asked for them, just to see him smile. And to tell the truth, this guy was pretty nuts about her too. Yeah, he didn't show it as much, and he'd be lying if he said the doll didn't annoy the hell outta him with her constant need for attention. But all the same…if she asked him for the stars and the moon, he'd try and get 'em for her. It might be a crazy thing to do, but he'd try anyway, y'know…people do crazy things when they're in love. Anyway, this doll goes to see a doctor pretty regularly – a shrink, because people think she's gotta be nuts to be so in love with a guy like that. People think it's crazy and wrong, just like they think all the things they can't understand are crazy and wrong, and they wanna stop it. But this guy ain't worried, 'cause he knows his doll loves only him. But the shrink and the world keep trying and trying to change her, and I guess even the strongest person can't hold out against that kinda pressure forever. Because finally it works. This guy discovers there's been some hanky-panky going on between his doll and the shrink. Well, I guess you could feel bad for him, being betrayed like that, but he ain't the kinda guy who sits around feeling sorry for himself. So what do you think he does, Doc?"

Dr. Bryan's face had grown white as Joker continued his story, the slow realization beginning to dawn on him and filling him with horror. "No…no…it's not…it's not like that at all," he whispered. "It's not what you think…"

"He finds the doll and the shrink and he goudges their eyes out with a pencil," muttered Joker. "And then he cuts their tongues out so they can't scream, and then he breaks their legs so they can't run away, and then he slowly peels the flesh from their bodies, Y'see, I might not have mentioned this guy was a homicidal lunatic," he said, rising from his chair. "Sorry, I guess that's kinda important to the story, isn't it? Silly me – I should know how to set up a joke by now."

"Joker, I promise you…nothing happened…"

"That's what Harley said," he growled. "You're both so annoyingly predictable – of course you wouldn't admit to it. Because you know what I do to people who betray me. You should have thought about that before you touched her, Doc. She's _my _property. The Joker's Harley Quinn. And did you really think you could get away with using my property? Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"There's nothing to find out!" exclaimed Dr. Bryan. "I kissed her and…"

"I don't want details, thanks, Doc," interrupted Joker, grinning. "Hope you enjoyed it though. Hope you really think it's worth all this. And I'll tell you right now, I know Harley's a real feisty little minx in the bedroom, but she ain't gonna be worth all this."

He seized him around the throat, holding him down on the desk and grabbing the pencil from his hand. He brought it close to his face, smiling and murmuring, "Start with the right or left? Right or left? Hmm…tough decision. What do you think, Doc?"

"Joker, please…"

"Eenie, meenie, miney moe, which eye is the first to go?" murmured Joker, dancing the pencil between his eyes. "Right or left, I just don't know - _this_ eye is the first to go!"

"Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, throwing open the door. She analyzed the scene in an instant and rushed over to him, trying to pull him away from Dr. Bryan. "No, Mr. J, stop! Let him go! He ain't done nothing! Let him…"

Joker struck her a blow across the face, knocking her to the ground. She looked up, stunned and winded, into his furious eyes. "You filthy little slut!" he hissed. "Don't you dare tell me what to do, you cheap little whore!"

Harley nodded, tears flowing down her face. "Yeah, I deserve that, Mr. J. I deserve the insults and the violence and everything. You wanna punish someone, you punish me. You wanna torture and mutilate someone, you torture and mutilate me. I deserve it. It's my fault, all of it. I lied to you, y'see."

He stared at her. "You…lied to me?" he repeated.

"Yeah. To you, to myself, to…everyone. See I always told you that I was your Harley girl, yours and yours alone, forever and ever. But I…I…I shouldn't have promised you forever. Nobody should ever do that – nobody can ever see that far ahead. And the truth is…the truth is…I…I…I ain't in love with you anymore, Mr. J."

Joker gaped at her. Then he turned back to Dr. Bryan. "What have you done to her, you bastard?!"

"It ain't him," murmured Harley. "I told you, he ain't got nothing to do with it. He ain't the first."

Joker whirled around. "What do you mean, he ain't the first?"

Harley gulped. "You caught me with him, but he wasn't the first man I betrayed you with. Dr. Bryan's completely innocent in all this. I seduced him, just like I did the others before him. I should have been up-front with you about it, I should have told you I didn't love you and that our relationship was over and that I wanted to end it but…I didn't want to hurt you. But now I have to, or you'll hurt people who don't deserve it. I do deserve it, Mr. J. I was weak. I was cowardly. I had a character, an act called Harley Quinn, and I had to keep it up. So I lied. I pretended to be your Harley girl, but I haven't been for a long time now. I'm finally brave enough to tell you the truth."

Joker stared at her. "You're lying," he breathed. "You're lying! Stop lying, Harley, or so help me I'll break every bone in your body!"

"I ain't lying, Mr. J," she breathed, gazing at him tenderly. "Not this time."

He was shaking in fury as he approached her. "You…" he gasped. "You…"

He hit her hard, knocking her to the ground again, and then began beating her. The commotion had alerted the guards, who rushed in and pulled Joker away from her. "Harley, I'll kill you, you lying little whore!" he screamed at her. "You hear me?! You're dead!"

Harley struggled to her feet, tears dripping down her face. "You ok, Johnny?" she whispered, turning to him.

He nodded. "Harley…"

"No, it was the only way," she interrupted. "If I told him the truth, he would have hurt you. Better that he only hates me. Better that I'm the only one to face his wrath. I'm used to it."

"Harley, you cannot sacrifice your happiness with him for me…" began Dr. Bryan.

She looked at him. "What was I supposed to do? Let him kill you? Couldn't be responsible for that, Johnny. Not the death of a nice guy like you."

"Harley…"

But she left the room without another word.


	5. Chapter 5

"Harley."

She was sitting alone on the swings in the play area outside the asylum when Dr. Bryan approached her. She turned and smiled at him, but it was obvious she had been crying.

"Hi, Johnny. I hear you're leaving."

"Yes. Under the circumstances, I think it would be best if I find another job elsewhere," replied Dr. Bryan. Harley nodded, and they were both silent.

"Have you seen him since…" began Dr. Bryan.

"No," interrupted Harley. "No. Nobody's seen him. He's been locked in solitary. And even if he weren't, he wouldn't wanna talk to me. Not after this. It's the end for us."

She suddenly laughed, which deteriorated into a sob. "And you wanna…you wanna know something funny, Johnny?" she said, half laughing and half crying. "I…I still love him!"

She choked on her sobs and he embraced her tenderly. "I thought…I thought for a while that I had kissed you because I secretly wanted to be with someone else, and that that was proof of it. That maybe I didn't love Mr. J as much as I thought I did. But that ain't true, Johnny! I love him so much it hurts! I love him so much that he's become a part of me – I can feel him in every breath I take and every heartbeat, I can hear his laugh ringing in my ears when I'm alone, and I see his smile in front of me when I'm lying awake at night. Without him, the world is bleak and miserable, and I'm alone and scared and cold, wandering lost in it. He's something I can't separate from myself anymore – if I don't have him near me I don't feel like myself. I don't feel happiness, joy, warmth, laughter - he's all of those things. He's everything that's good in me. And without him, I'm…I'm…nothing."

Dr. Bryan gazed at her. "For all the harm I've done to you, and all the pain I've put you through, I'm sincerely sorry," he whispered. "If I could do anything to change what has happened, I would."

"I know that, Johnny," she breathed. "You're a sweet guy."

He nodded and turned to go. She caught his hand. "It was a sweet kiss too," she whispered. "I ain't ever had a kiss like that before. I think I returned it because I wanted to feel what it was like, sweetness, tenderness, goodness. But it ain't for me, Johnny, not really," she said, forcing a smile.

He smiled back. "Well, at least it was good for something, then."

"Yeah," she agreed. "And, y'know, it was…nice. If I was ever the kinda girl who wanted to date a nice guy, Johnny, it would've been you. I want you to know that."

He smiled again, then tenderly brought his lips down to hers and kissed her gently, a kiss that conveyed true depth of feeling, and Harley returned it. He drew away at last and whispered, "Goodbye, Harley."

She watched him walk away, and then turned back and stared at the bleak horizon.


	6. Chapter 6

"Dr. Bryan. I thought you had gone," said Dr. Leland, surprised to see Dr. Bryan entering her office.

"I'm going," he replied. "I just wanted to see him one more time."

"Do you really think that's advisable?" asked Dr. Leland, raising an eyebrow.

"No. But I'm leaving Gotham so I doubt we'll meet again. He's usually too preoccupied with Batman to ever leave this city, isn't he? And I'd regret not having some final words."

Dr. Leland sighed. "I'm really not allowed to do this," she muttered, slipping him the keys. "So if anyone asks, you broke into my office and stole these. I'll knock over some plants to make it look realistic."

"Don't tell Miss Ivy," replied Dr. Bryan, grinning. He made his way down the hall into the cell blocks, and then went down the stairs to the solitary confinement wing. There was only one cell at the end of the corridor that was occupied, and Dr. Bryan put the keys in the lock, and slowly pushed the door open.

It was dark inside the cell. But he heard a peal of maniacal laughter and a voice saying, "What's up, Doc?"

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Dr. Bryan saw the Joker with his legs chained to the far wall of the cell. He sat cross-legged on the floor, trying to spear insects scurrying past with a toothpick. He giggled as he missed one. "They're speedy little devils, you gotta hand it to them," he said. He stabbed downward again, catching the bug this time and holding it up triumphantly. "But they always dance for Uncle Joker in the end," he said, his eyes alight as he watched the insect squirm. Then he popped it in his mouth and chewed. "Tastes like chicken," he chuckled.

"Joker, I'm here to talk about Harley," said Dr. Bryan, firmly.

"Harley?" repeated Joker, eyes clouding in confusion. Then he laughed. "Oh yes, Harley! The soon-to-be-deceased Dr. Quinzel! Arkham Asylum's greatest little slut, and I imagine it takes a lot to take that title away from the Plant-Lady," he chuckled.

"You know that was all a lie, don't you?" he asked, quietly.

"Lie? My Harley girl wouldn't lie to me," retorted Joker. "Well, except about the important things!" he laughed. "I guess the joke was on me after all, huh, Doc? But I should have realized that from the beginning. I should have known it was all a gag. That kinda dame, the dame Harley pretended to be, they don't exist. And even if she did…she wouldn't want someone like me. It's never made any sense. It's nuts. I should have known that in the end, she was just one big, cruel joke."

Dr. Bryan seized him by the collar and slammed him against the wall. "Now you listen to me, clown!" he hissed. "That girl is the most precious creature I have ever been lucky enough to meet! God, I wish she could see how toxic, how horrible, and how wrong you are for her, but she can't! She's in love with you, and she won't ever be happy again until I fix the mess she got herself into for me! You are going to listen to the truth, and then you are going to take her back! She deserves a much better man than you, but she wants you, and dammit, I'm going to give her what she wants! I took her to my office that night to ask her about a patient! I was the one who kissed her, and I regretted it instantly, as did she! She gave me the most tender, the most beautiful speech about how much she loved you, and I swear to God that _I _almost felt kinder toward you! She said those things to you so you would take your anger out on her, rather than me, because she's the kindest, sweetest, most self-sacrificing woman in the world! I'm sorry you're too blind, or too stupid, to see what a treasure you've managed to find, but I swear if you don't treat her like the angel she is every single day of your life, then you're an utter fool."

He dropped him to the ground. "Y'see the face, Doc?" chuckled Joker, grinning at him. "Clown, fool, same difference, right?"

Dr. Bryan looked at him in disgust and turned to go. "Answer me one question truthfully," he murmured, turning back to Joker. "Do you love her?"

Joker giggled. "Take a look around, Doc," he said, grinning and gesturing at the walls. Dr. Bryan did, puzzled, and Joker shook his head. "Nah, I mean a real good look," he muttered, nodding at the lightswitch.

Dr. Bryan flicked it on, and the room filled with light, which illuminated the walls. To his horror, he saw that they were stained with blood, blood that had been shaped into words and pictures. There was a sketch of Batman with several knives in his body, lots of _Ha Ha Ha_'s, and plenty of jokes.

"Got dizzy from losing all the red stuff, but you gotta suffer for your art," said Joker, grinning as he held up his wrists caked in dried blood.

"I don't understand," he murmured.

"This one here," said Joker, pointing by the bed. Dr. Bryan looked to see a drawing of Harley painted on the edge of the bed, with a speech bubble coming from her mouth saying _Goodnight, puddin'_.

"Answer your question?" murmured Joker.

Dr. Bryan nodded. "How much longer are you meant to be confined here?" he asked.

"I dunno. Hard to keep track of days when you're working on a masterpiece," chuckled Joker, nodding at the graffitti.

Dr. Bryan looked at him. "Harley's in the playground," he said, then left him, shutting the door behind him. He didn't lock it.


	7. Chapter 7

"Harley."

She turned and started at the voice, surprised. "M…Mr. J," she stammered. "How did you get outta solitary?"

"Using my get outta jail free card," he retorted. She grinned, but it fell quickly as she remembered the situation.

"You shouldn't have lied to me, Harley," he murmured.

"I told ya, I was too weak to break up with you…"

"No, I mean you shouldn't have lied to me about all that. About not loving me anymore and having other guys…it hurts, kid, y'know?"

She stared at him. "Johnny told you," she whispered.

"Yeah."

"He's a sweet guy," she murmured.

"Yeah."

"Not my type."

"Yeah."

There was silence between them. Harley sat gently swinging to and fro. "Need a push, kid?" he asked.

She smiled. "All right, Mr. J," she said, settling herself on the swing.

He began pushing the swing backward and forward and she soared higher and higher. He stopped pushing and ran around in front of her, holding out his arms. "Now c'mon, jump, kiddo!" he called.

"You crazy?" she retorted.

"I'll catch you."

"You won't."

"I will!"

"I don't trust you, Mr. J!"

"Just jump, you dumb blonde!"

Harley took a deep breath, shutting her eyes. "I must be outta my mind," she muttered to herself, and then let go of the swing. She flew through the air and into his arms, landing on top of him and knocking him to the ground.

"Jesus, you could stand to lose some weight, you worthless dame!" he gasped.

"Sorry, puddin'," she murmured, starting to climb off him.

"I didn't say get off!" he snapped.

She beamed, smiling down at him. She brought her mouth down to his and they kissed, a kiss that wasn't sweet or tender or gentle, but a kiss that, to Harley, was just perfect.

"So tell me, sweets, you ever made love on a jungle gym before?" he murmured, standing up and picking her up in his arms.

"Nah uh," replied Harley, grinning as she slid her arms around his neck. "Will it have me growling like a tiger?"

"I was gonna go with 'it's really wild,' but yours is fine too," shrugged Joker.

"Really? You liked one of my gags?" asked Harley, astonished.

"I said it was fine," he retorted. "That don't mean I liked it, it's just that it wasn't painfully bad, like your jokes usually are."

"Speaking of things that are painful and bad, why don't my big, bad, strong lover start hurting me a little?" murmured Harley. "I have been a very naughty girl, lying to you and everything, puddin'. I think I deserve a spanking at least."

"_A _spanking?" he snorted. "Wishful thinking, toots."

She smiled. "I love you, puddin'," she breathed, kissing him.

He grinned. "Now that's a good gag, baby," he murmured. "A great gag. I'd be a fool not to love it."

**The End**


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